Being a baby mama is tough! I took my voyage into the lifestyle of sex, drugs and hip-hop vicariously through my ex, he was my alter ego and my bad boy. He was a hard working man when I met him but soon spiraled down into cocaine addiction out of depression from his probationary status for a crime he did not commit. I stood by his side, going to court with him, helping to pay for his court costs and classes with my child support money and giving all his friends car rides. I put up with his little “hood-rats” he messed with when we were just kicking it and sang the hooks on his rap songs. When I went to nursing school he financially supported me and was there for me the whole way through.
I am a baby mama and have been for 17 years. What I learned was, honey it doesn’t matter if you marry boo-boo the fool or just shack with him.
Even if he “puts a ring on it” if he is boo-boo the fool when you lay down with him he will be boo-boo the fool when you wake up!
I think most women feel a sense of loss of their innocence and untouched perfection at the birth of their first baby, but they are loved so much by their spouses it does not matter for they gain so much more. However, for us Baby Mama’s the reality is much harsher. I often think about the little 9 year old girl I saw on Oprah. At that tender age, she too, is a Baby Mama. Her child was a by-product of rape during a time of war. The little girl left all alone with no family support, cast out of her village to birth and raise her baby alone. Labor and delivery was a traumatic thing. You think our delivery is hard, with an epidural? Try lying on your back on the cold, bug crawling dirt floor and being in labor alone for 3 long days. That is 72 hours straight of sheer torture! Thank the Lord for Oprah Winfrey, who took the little girl in to her program, fed and tended to her well-being, gave her an education and frankly saved her life!
We cry and complain because we don’t have a man around. Or we have a man around but he is just someone else that we have to jump through hoops to keep, manage or manipulate. It gets plain tiring! But what about us? We spend most of our lives trying to measure us to what someone else thinks is our worth. First our parents and their expectations, then society, our culture and finally our own spouses, boyfriends and lastly our children all determine what should be valuable in our lives. How in the world can we ever produce anything of significance if we are always chained to what someone else thinks we should feel, believe, choose or do? What are we really producing or contributing to society? Is it ever really ours or is it just an assembly line of flesh, pound for pound, on the slave block sold for other people’s comfort?
It is time to take the mantle back. It is time to pull back our hoods and radiate the beauty and joy that is our own invention of what we are worth! It is time to grab our destiny’s with both hands and stop carrying all the baggage of other people’s imagination. As with childbirth, after your destiny has come to the light and is born, the real hard work comes in nourishing it, protecting it and raising it to adulthood. This is your destiny! You only get one! Treat Her gently and with lots of love!
“The greatest way to change is THROUGH it!”
There is no easy way to finding your purpose and living the life you have always dreamed of living. The only way to have the baby is to push or go to sleep and have someone rip it out of you. Either way the baby has got to come out. Whatever way you have that baby you are the one that must groom it, nourish it, protect it and guide it. That is if you want it to be yours. Your destiny is that baby. Without proper guidance you may eventually birth it but you will have no idea what to do with it. And birthing it in complete darkness is like that little girl giving birth on that hard dirt floor. Take my hand. I promise it will be easier.
“See I have birthed my baby and am now raising it up in the Palace. It is my prayer that you will all enter into this grand design. Let us begin the journey together.
The first step to becoming a Queen is releasing your chains. Free the slave girl inside of you! Follow Wisdom, let Goddess Wisdom be your guide!
Thus says the Lord:
“Let not the wise woman glory in her own wisdom,
Let not the mighty man glory in his own might,
Nor let the rich woman glory in her own riches;
But let him who glories glory in this,
That she understands and knows Me,
That I am the Goddess, exercising loving kindness,
judgment, and righteousness in the earth.
For in these I delight,” says the Lord and Lady (Jeremiah 9:23-24).
The greatest Wisdom one can posses is an intimate relationship with Spirit! Do you know her?
Follow my blog for the next chapter of the powerful transformation from Slavegirl to Queen!