Life of a Litttle Girl Witch: Out the Broom Closet


It wasn’t an easy decision to come out of the broom closet, so to speak.  In fact, it wasn’t an easy decision to accept that I am a Witch, much less tell the whole world that I am!

As a young girl, I have always been in tune with nature. And I also was very connected to God and my Bible.  I read my Bible avidly as a child of eight or nine years old.  And I devoutly attended church, other people’s church, while my parents slept in on  or worked Sundays.  I have had a hunger for God since I can remember and became a faithful Christian, which I still am!  My Christian walk is as much a part of me as is the golden color of my skin, which I inherited from a blend of my Tutsi African-Hebrew-Creole  father and Scottish-English-Polish-Navajo descent mother. I was a mixed child born in the small steel mill town of Gary, Indiana during the Black Panther movement.

I grew up in an inner city full of gang violence, drugs, and death on the streets every day.  My neighborhood McDonald’s had more blood baths than they sold french fries. The local pizza place, and the skating rink too.  It seemed everywhere us  kids hung out people ended up dead. My first day of school, a boy was found in a pool of his own blood, in the middle of the hallway. He had shot himself with his own stolen gun in a morbid game of russian roulette.  No doubts some sick initiation gone wrong for one of the gangs, Disciples or Vice Lords, the sixes and the fives.

jonballing raellen

It seemed even in the fighting there was a macabre religious beef parodied between Jews and Witches played out before anyone even seemed to grasp what those stars meant. This was my upbringing, though to look at me now, most would see a sweet wholesome woman. No one knows that dust on the bottom of your shoes.

In the midst of all that blood, beaches, and churches this little mixed girl somehow began studying the Bible and astrology.  As years went on, I would stumble across a book here and there about numerology or palmistry, and as I read these books a light would go off in my soul, as if I had found my real home.  At the age of five, I had a vision of Jesus Christ. I also began having past life dreams and worried I would commit suicide again in this life as I had in the other.  Ironically, I nearly attempted suicide as pre-teen and did attempt unsuccessfully as a teenager.  I never felt as if I belonged to this world and it took me many years not to want to go back home to Heaven.

Me and my eldest daughter
Me and my eldest daughter

Then one day the sky opened up and this rainbow appeared and God said in a loud booming voice that I had a mission to fulfill here. (Since then I see rainbows alot)  I asked Him,”Do you wnat me to become a nun?” ( I had seen Sound of Music too many times) And I asked, “Do I have to become a nun, because I so wanted to grow up and become a mother?” He agreed to the kid part…and I have four!  Strangely, I also asked Him if He would not make me”… give birth to Jesus again..” because I maddeningly thought if God was talking to me then I must be the reincarnation of the Virgin Mary! But, tell me this….how did I know about reincarnation at the age of eight or nine years old? Nobody in my family ever talked about that and certainly no one I knew had ever heard of such a thing! But somehow that was the conversation that took place between me and God later that day on the floor of my bedroom. I was very frightened it would happen again, indeed!

I know, I know…I was a very strange child. I spoke to the wind  and would command it to be still.  I ordered it to stop raining, (still do) and it would,(still does sometimes) and I would send telepathic thoughts to my dog. I would fall into a trance and speak to Angels as I felt a golden glow of light pour down upon me. I would frequently talk to Heavenly beings. I saw the future in my dreams, saw the dead walking around, which I worked hard to block out, collect tons of rocks and leaves, sing to bees, let ants crawl all over my body, teach adults and kids the things I learned in the bible and create my own plan for my own church. I had episodes of clairsentience, and am now all the clairs. I became claircognizant as an adult, the others, I have been since I was a child.  I also used to try to levitate objects with my mind.  I was very attracted to Witchcraft and Vampires. I would have very happily been a Witch married to a Vampire, that went to church of course, and live happily ever after! (Well, actually I came kinda close to that once..heheheee!)

444 me3

All of this kind of thing was my secret life. Outwardly, I was Sunday’s best! Born on a Sunday, and the first day of the snowfall, my parents thought I was some heavenly angel sent here on earth and treated me like a Princess.  However, I never was quite satisfied with the church, as I always felt there was something lacking. And I honestly, I always felt kinda adopted, like an interloper in my own family.  This aching and lonliness left me craving for something more. Finally it led me thirty years later to the land of Wicca. I am building my home here. (smile)

I have been studying Wicca for nearly three years now.  I still study my Bible, but my spirit views God/dess in an universal way. Wicca has given me much peace and balance in my life, as I have learned to harnass the elemental forces in nature and develop my gifts.  When I say, I am a practicing medium, what I mean is; all my life I have been able to communicate with the other realm. This has led me to sporadically give readings to co-workers, family members and friends. I also have been doing palm readings for friends and others for about twenty years. I very rarely have gotten paid for my services. I did not learn this stuff for money.  I was born this way, so it just comes naturally.  It never occurred to me until I was older that people would pay me for it.

I learned how to do tarot a year ago. One day I bought a tarot deck and just went from there. Eventually, I began incorporating Witch craft spells of healing and abundance, which are like powerful prayers by candle light, and placing sacred altars and crystal energy grids in my home. I am still learning more of herbal witchery.  But more importantly, my life, the way I think, and all that I am flows in tandem with my spiritual path.

fortune telling thCABF694V reader and adviser

Coming out was a difficult process, because I was so afraid what my friends, my job and my church would think.  I do tarot cards, palm readings and talk to the dead? How then could I be saved? Doesn’t that make me a witch?  I did not have those answers so I had created an anonymous facebook page so I could just be my witchy self, without condemnation.  However, on my birthday, October 16th, of last year face book began targeting Wiccans and groups that did not use their real name for spiritual purposes and I lost over 4,000 friends who actually accepted me as the Witch I am.  So I made the decision to just come out on my real page in all my WITCHY FABULOUS self!

I knew immediately that I would receive hate mail, all my christian friends would drop me, which included tons of pastors and christians I knew and loved. Yet, that didn’t happen!  Though I chose to leave my church, most of my true friends gave me support and love and accept me for who I am! No one objected to my pagan posts, and I gained a following of more than 5,000 friends!  This led me to have the gumption to begin this blog. And at my job I was gifted with a pack of  angel tarot cards! I have found compassion and acceptance, and my light truly shines.  All because I showed the world my true self!

It feels so good to be me and not have to hide my interests and thoughts. I mean, I don’t think I am the Virgin Mary anymore.  I have found being Ostara Dawn, is good enough!  I have learned that on some intuitive level people know that you are not your true self.  And you know, so it diminishes your energy and aura. So tell me, what is your fabulous coming out the broom closet story? What magickal happenings occured when you were a child? If you have a fabulous story, please share it in the comments below!

Candy Cane Kisses!

Luv, Ostara

Photo credit: Brigid by Katherine Skaggs
Photo credit: Brigid by Katherine Skaggs

2 Comments Add yours

  1. I can relate to you so much! My story is very similar to yours! Blessed be!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is good to know that I am not alone. I wish that schools offered support groups or classes for kids like us. I’m sure one day in the future they will….that is when we build them. ❤ Brightest Blessings!


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