I woke up this morning at 2 am, without an explanation. Suddenly, I found myself in the midst of the dark silence of the wee hours of the morning. I looked over to my left and noticed my five year old son, had crept silently in the night, into my bed beside me. He slept peacefully. I could hear the slow, heavy breathing of all three of my little babes. I wandered out into the night, took out the load of laundry I had forgotten, and placed it inside my basket to carry in to the house.
The cool wind caressed the nape of my neck and an owl hooted softly in the distance. I silently prayed no roaches.. no roaches…no roaches, lurking menacingly in the dark, would try to make a run for it… into my wide open, warm and inviting house! A song played over and over in my head, Aerosmith,…”You’re my An-n-n-ngel-l-l….Come and save me tonight.” My normal fear and apprehension, that I usually feel in the middle of the night, was replaced by a feeling that my angels were especially watching over me tonight.
COCKROACH SPIRIT GUIDE
I placed the wet shoes, jeans, shirts and towel (no I don’t separate, life is too short) into the basket and I silently called on my friend the spider. I prayed a litany in my head,”Spiders come eat the roaches. Spiders come eat the roaches.” I hate those things! But then I got to thinking; why aren’t they ever on the animal totem list? Why is it we have beautiful butterfly’s, but never moths? Ingenious arachnids but never a scorpion? And dragon flies but never roaches, fly’s or mosquitoes? And what does it really mean to us to have a “spirit animal” or animal totem?
What in particular makes us afraid of bugs anyhow? My ex used to keep tarantula’s as pets. He had a long hair chile, a king baboon and a red hair pinky toe. No those aren’t my secret love names for him, those are species of tarantulas! My ex was a strange little fella. I loved his quirkiness, complexity, intelligence and of course he was also very handsome. I said good-bye to him yesterday, our daughter and I, as he set off on one of his new adventures. He is off to Arizona to prospect GOLD! That’s right! He put a few thousand dollars on a credit card, and this black man who works by day as a housekeeper in a nursing home, and entomologist by night, has set out to ride a bus to Arizona and pitch a tent on some land he just bought in the middle of the mountains.
It’s risky, but I admire his guts, and his creativity; to leave all the mundane bullshit of his life behind, and dare to be different! Like the tarantula’s he loves he is casting his web and creating a life masterpiece of his own! All of his gold mining equipment packed and life supplies, he is off! Just like that! Surely, he is there right now, sitting under his tent, looking up to the stars, not yet at the point where he begins wondering, “what the hell am I doing here?”, and is excited,can’t sleep, scared and ever so hopeful. A tiny piece of me must be there with him, as that piece of me, has suddenly woke up and started wondering about the gold mine dreams in my life.
I contemplate, can you power animal really be your guide? And if so, what is my power animal, and how? My gold mine, strike it rich dreams are to publish my book,and become a spiritual teacher and writer. I wish to be published by Hay House and become partners with those I love and admire, such as Doreen Virtue and Dr. Wayne Dyer. But how can my spirit animal help me move forward? I see clearly how T’s does, but who is mine, the roach? I am being sarcastic, of course, it is not the roach, my house is clean (now..lol) I rarely see them, though they are abundant here in Florida. But could these critters be a power animal?
I suppose if they were they would be known for their staying power. I have heard if there was a nuclear holocaust the only known survivor would probably be a roach. They are super fast too. They can get up on their hind legs when the run, just like a human, and they have a hard shell, sometimes they are not so easy to squish. They often fall over on their back, when I have seen them throughout my life, and I always wondered in amazement at this spectacle. However, if you leave them alone eventually somehow they right themselves by attaching to something or someone who may pass by. Roaches are resilient, they never give up, and no matter how you whip them they multiply and never die.
So am I sorta like a roach, then? Yeah, I guess. I have been molested, my virginity raped from me at seventeen. I have faced child abuse from my stepfather, tried to commit suicide as a teen, battled depression and anxiety since childhood, and been married twice to men who either abused me physically, emotionally or sexually. The ex that I spoke of is one of the only ones who did not, though he was a dirty little whore, but well…he was only twenty three. We both were young and dumb and I made some bad mistakes too with that relationship. However, I am resilient, and no matter what I have been through or put others through; I have survived! So having a cockroach as one of my animal totems, even as a shadow one, isn’t so bad after all now is it?
CHILDREN ANIMAL TOTEMS
In our lives we will have many animal totems to help us get through or achieve greatness in different seasons of our lives. Since this is my blog, hahaha, I am going to list mine, but there is a plethora of animal and insect species that could be yours!
My oldest child and daughter has tons! As a child it was an eagle and a monkey. As she grew she eagerly began acquiring animals all around her. She is a regular Goddess Artemis or Diana, staunchly virginal, somewhat tomboyish, and has had dogs, cats, snakes, birds, rabbits, bearded dragons and rats as pets.
Anyway….as a child my totems were the ant, the sheepdog and my shadow animal totem was and still is, the cat. I believe the spirit animals you attach to as a child, can shed light as to your particular gifts and destiny in the future. A shadow animal totem is an animal or insect you have a strange encounter with and become frightened or just have an unexplainable fear of it. I believe shadow animals are to appear for children, most children don’t have a shadow animal totem until adulthood. Kids are fearless unless taught. However, some fears stem from previous lifetimes. If you as a child or your kid has a healthy dose of fear, of something you never taught them to be afraid of, this is most likely the reason. A power animal lesson still left over from the previous lifetime.
THE ANT ANIMAL TOTEM
Ant animal totem-People with this totem possess a collective mentality. They like to collect things and even their friends can be categorized in a sort of collection. They acquire stuff and tend to be pack rats and hoarders. However, they are builders and normally help to build a community. This spirit guide demonstrates that in every community each ant has its own role. Each one performs a specific task or chore with utmost dignity, so that the entire community can thrive and sustain each other. Ants are persistent and diligent at their work. They can go to any level and will reach any limit to complete their duties.
As a child I remember standing in the midst of a fire ant pile, and letting them crawl all over me. I did this because my mom forbid me to go near them out of fear I would be bit. I remember feeling a magickal power as if I knew that I was invincible to them somehow, and as I thought, they did not bite me. There I stood, QUEEN OF THE ANTS. THE ANTS WERE MY CHILDREN.
“Queen ants represent forsaking themselves for the greater good. When they are pregnant (like with purpose) the female ants discard their wings, thus sacrificing their innate power of themselves, to giving birth and taking care of the newborns,(teaching Spirit). Through this sacrifice, they become queen and are the highest level within a colony. The colony is theirs, and it is up to them to continue the line. They are essentially the lifeline of the colony. Consider this aspect if you are the boss, starting your own business, or are “in charge” in the work place.” -words from Auntyflo.com
THE DOG ANIMAL TOTEM
When I was five years old, I had a beloved sheepdog named J.T, as a pet. He was my best friend, as I would ride on his back and let my friends ride on his back too! It did not hurt him and he loved it! then one day my father decided that a sheepdog needed sheep to tend and he sold J.T to a rancher.
A Sheepdog animal totem-is a special dog, for he is bred to raise sheep, tend the flock and keep them safe. He is the best friend to the Good Shepherd, and watches over the flock so the Shepherd can take a break or get some sleep.
“The Old English Sheepdog is a large, athletic dog breed( well I am a thick girl) with an unmistakable shaggy coat. The Old English Sheepdog was historically a drover, helping farmers drive cattle and sheep to the market. Today, the good-natured Old English Sheepdog enjoys the comfort of home life and still competes in conformation, obedience, agility, and herding trials. He’s an adaptable, intelligent dog with an easygoing disposition”.-from Dogtime.com
CAT ANIMAL TOTEM
One summer, when I was nine years old, my mom sent me to visit one of her best friends for a few weeks so I could play with her daughter Angie and enjoy some Southern living, down in Knoxville, Tennessee. However, what my mom did not consider that Knoxville was one of the most prejudiced towns in the United States in the 1970’s to early 80’s! And I was a little high yella mixed girl, with long black, wildly curly hair, and an attitude just as wily. I remember going to play on the playground, and as I was climbing the stairs up the slide, a white boy, who was tanned darker than my natural shade of light gold, pushed me onto the ground and climbed over me saying. “Move Nigger! I am white so I go first!” I was completely shocked into silence. I was from up north, near the lake front of the Chicago shoreline. I had never been called such a thing nor was allowed to say it growing up. My daddy once shot a man, in the army, for calling him one.
So I left the playground with balled up fists, crying. When I got back to Angie’s house I took my anger out on their cat, whom I actually loved, up until the point. I began stroking her coat and as my mind was racing about what happened, I must have pressed too hard on her pregnant belly and she scratched me! Ouch! The very next morning I woke up and she was having her babies right beside me, on the living room floor, on a pallet where I slept. It was a bloody, cat moaning sight to see that pretty black cat, my friend, having her babies. I felt great guilt as I thought maybe I had set her into early labor. But the little kittens all were fine. The rest of the summer was also very traumatic for me, and I remember throwing up in the back of their car. Since then I have been allergic to cats! And now I am afraid of them! They come around me alot still, and they often stand guard at my door or window when I am pregnant. It doesn’t matter whose cat it belongs to, they find me.
Cat animal totem– Cats are strongly symbolic of the connection with what usually hides in darkness or the unknown, so it is very fitting that it is my shadow animal. Everyone knows cats are independent, social, adventurous, daring, and curious explorers and hunters. Cats are very active at night and have remarkable eyesight in the dark. Because of this cats, especially black cats, are seen as a symbol of witchcraft, especially dark magic arts, with the black cat as their symbol. Cats carry Goddess energy, especially the felines, and offer those that hold this animal as their totem the gift of mediumship and second sight as well as great magickal ability. So people with this shadow animal offer the wisdom of the cat to remain quiet, observe, and then act when the time is right This enables you a better position to reach your goal and preserve your energy even in moments of tension and action.
Cats also possess a finely tuned sense of self care. So to take a page out of there book is advantageous to one who is say a SHEEPDOG, always driving the flock. And a QUEEN ANT, always sacrificing herself to lead others. So I asked myself, why is this my shadow animal? Suddenly, I have come to the realization that I have not always had this kind of balance. Recently, I was in a situation where I felt the give and take was uneven. I have enormous gifts to offer. However, if we do trade I expect a fair trade, and I noticed most of the things she promised to do for me in exchange, either got stalled or never materialized. I noticed in small ways she would go back on her word, until it finally snowballed to Hell!
Yet, she had all of these cats around. As I sneezed through our work, one of her cats kept jumping up on the table, getting hair in my drink and constantly annoying me. I began to feel territorial and said in my head a few times….get out of here! I mean, I felt cat-like and almost wanted to hiss at it! lol…One day I elicited Goddess Bast to assist me with the cat problem, prior to coming over to my mentor’s house, and thankfully She kept them quiet and out of my hair that day. But I think that the cat was trying to tell me something. Now that I have learned about her totem traits, I realize that I was giving my power away. “Take care of yourself. Don’t be afraid of your own spiritual power. YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS!” seemed to be her mantra.
What I found intriguing though, is after my mentor and I decidedly to painfully part ways, the kitty disappeared! You know, I actually believe she went looking for me? lol…It took a couple of days but they finally found her. I think in her own way, that while she wanted me to step into my own power in the situation, she did not agree with the split. And she was probably right. We have still much to teach each other, to help us grow as individuals and Witches. You never know what the future will bring. My power animal guides now are the dolphin, ladybug, lunar moth, honeybee, and hawk and shadow animal the bat and still sometimes the cat. I will write about them another time.
Well, I am going to conclude this post asking you what was your childhood Spirit animal? And do you feel that in some way it encapsulates who you are today? Let your spirit animal lead you to accomplish your “goldmine” dreams. It’s time!
Moonbeam Blessings and Cherub Kisses,