Divine Feminine: Alice Down the Rabbit Hole of Depression and Anxiety!

Beyonce-Blue: Photo by Jay-Z

Have you seen that commercial?  Depression hurts. BOL! I mean, duh, yeah depression hurts! It is like being shoved down a dank, smelly, hole of despair and no matter how you claw at the walls YOU CAN’T PULL YOURSELF OUT!

I have been there. When my second husband left me, just like the first one did, for a younger woman, it left me crippled with the misery of low self-worth.  I had always been a fun and flirty girl, full of giggles, practical jokes and coquettish sexiness.  It did not matter to me that I was about 100 lbs overweight, cause honey I had a booty that could twerk like nobody’s business, and the face of a Goddess. Men fell in line, to be with me, and people would randomly take my picture and give me gifts. Heck, I have had me and my family’s meal even paid for in full, by random men!

I have lived the life of a diamond princess, but when he left after ten years of putting in my sweat, blood and tears, leaving me with a second marriage imploded at my feet, and the first onset of age; I lost my mind!  I looked in the mirror, saw a little sag to my cheeks and regurgitated! Now everywhere I go people tell me how I look ten years younger than I am, and can I tell you I want to just SLAP THE TASTE OUT THEIR MOUTH, because I do not!  I wanna shout,” Bitch, I used to look TWICE as pretty as this! What are you talking about?”  Yes I know that sounds vain, but honestly, when people say that to me it only reminds me of the youth and beauty that has faded, not what I have right now. So like everyone else, I grapple with gratitude, positive thinking and spiritual balance on a daily basis.

Maybe one day, I will learn to just be grateful for my young looking face. Maybe…lol! We all have struggles, it could be for you age,hair, beauty, marital status, income, or just plain life. Nobody is exempt from the struggle.

v 001

Solution One: Depression

Here today, gone tomorrow, life goes on and on and on, constantly changing.  Some of us are rich, some of us are poor. Some of us are gorgeous, some of us are plain, tall, short, skinny, fat, married, single, happy, sad. It doesn’t matter life keeps moving on and we must learn how to adapt, construct our lives as joyfully as we can, and march forward. But aren’t you tired of just living in a rat race?  Like Alice in Wonderland, we slip down the rabbit hole, hoping for a solution but only get into trouble, and come across more decisions, which we make without any idea of what we are choosing.  Soon we find ourselves lost to a demise of our own making.  We get pitched back and forth on the sea of life and have no idea how to command the ship! And we blame everyone.

Anyway, so what do we do? Well, first we become depressed.  Yep, that is right! Depression is the first step in our solution.  Well how in the heck does depression help us? It sho’ll don’t feel like help! Depression is a result of being sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Our body shuts down,and forces you to address the core issues within yourself.

To overcome depression, though medical intervention in the form of a happy pill called Wellbutrin helps tremendously, one must also learn how to achieve spiritual balance. See what your heart is yearning for really is a dose of Divine Feminine and to connect to your sacred self again.  What I mean by that is, no matter if you are a man or a woman, inside you is a receptive, compassionate, self-sacrificing, and potentially creative being! Once you learn to nourish that aspect of yourself, you can begin to take ownership of your life, and  with the help of the divine masculine,steer the boat to the shore.

i am wiccan

The only trouble with that, and why I am writing this series, is focusing on the power, saving Kingship, and masculine ability to conquer the world, will eventually lead you to egotism, selfishness and greed.  You may acquire alot of things in life, but you still won’t be living to your highest potential.  Much like a Christian Pastor, on fire for the Lord, running around the sanctuary, preaching with FIRE and then collapsing, because he did not take the time for quiet meditation, aligning with Spirit and being present in Love. This meditative contemplation and creative reservoir is the Divine Feminine aspect of ourselves and of God.  Some call this the Holy Spirit, some call this Goddess energy, or the Universal Soul, but you can call it what you want; cause it’s inside of you irregardless.

When I had sank down into the darkest depths of the rabbit hole, that I could go, I found the Goddess.  She revealed Herself to me in a language of pure love that infiltrated my heart and captivated me to my sweet core! With the help of other women who knew the Goddess path, I persevered, and triumphed over depression at long last! I also found my higher purpose and began a long slow waltz with destiny.

Solution Two: Anxiety

Athena By Katherine Skaggs
Athena By Katherine Skaggs

However, once you finally pick up the compass, and begin to navigate your life boat towards your true North, you run smack dab into the Wonderland of Anxiety! Do you remember the Rabbit in Wonderland?  He was a nervous ninny, always complaining that, “I’m late! I’m late!” He ran around ferociously, trying to get as much done as possible, but was so riddled with worry he never did get anything completed that he really wanted to!

We become anxious, because after we manage to make it through our depression, into the land of more positive and creative thought, we have no idea what to make of ourselves. Must we grow bigger and learn to stand up for ourselves and be heard? Or do we need to somehow grow smaller, so that we can learn how to be humble and compassionate? Of course, both of these attributes are a necessary aspect of human development, that must take place all of your life, not just during puberty. I think Lewis Carrol knew that. Anxiety is cause when we fail to make a decision one way or the other.

We all have been designed with two sides to the coin of our soul. On one side we have a strong masculine energy that pulsates with force and lends us a drive to accomplish and be honest and clear about our needs. The other side of the coin is a beacon that shines a light on truth, honor, love and compassion and pulsates with a creative force that gives value to the driving force we feel and guides us in the right and highest course for creating sacred, abundant and happy lives.

But when we ignore these polarities, and do not nourish them both, we vacillate; neither making a stand or giving of self, we become riddled with anxiety….feeling late for something important, but what that is, having no idea.


Solution Three: Who Are You?

So once we recognize our truth behind our anxiety we take the mask off. However, what we see becomes a puzzle. As we come face to face with the Caterpillar inside of us, we are forced to answer one question, “Who are YOU?”  Because we have been through such an enormous overhaul, recognizing all the myriad things we have tried in life, we must sift through all of that to answer the question.  In fact, we may even try to reinvent ourselves again to find that answer.  In this phase, I looked inside myself, decided to value my supernatural gifts that I had been fighting against most of my life, and become a Witch!  I bought all of the books, studied avidly, and was completely disappointed that I could not put a curse on my ex husband without it boomeranging back to me! Lol! And then after more study, I became completely  enthralled with being able to finally get in touch with my own wild, natural, earth loving and Goddess loving self. Since the path of Wicca seemed to echo my “rabbit hole” learning in the core of my depression. It seemed that being a Witch was the answer to my prayers and in honesty who I already am anyway.

Then the caterpillar turned into a butterfly before my eyes, and I got it. I am not a Witch, not a Christian, not a Lightworker….I am a being of transformation. I am a sacred vessel of the divine, God in part and Goddess in Flesh. Therefore, I do not bow down to labels, or concepts, or religion. I am not my spiritual gifts of clairvoyance, intuition, and energy healing, no I am not what I do or what I believe or what I look like.  I just AM.  But this realization makes me a little mad to you, I guess. Does that make me the MAD HATTER? (Make sure you stay tuned for the next installment in my series the divine feminine. I will be giving steps to create balance and abundance with the divine feminine.)

So, at long last… here is my discussion topic for the day: WHO ARE YOU?

Sunshine Hugs & Butterfly Kisses,

Luv, Ostara



2 Comments Add yours

  1. I can relate 1000%. I’ve been down that rabbit hole. Goddess and my path have brought me back into the light. I am Blessed…and most importantly, I know that I am Blessed. ❤ Blessings to you, dear!


    1. Thanks Marley! I think in a way we all can relate. It seems to be part of the process of evolution and an awakening will take place once we press through it. Blessings!


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