Excerpt from my book that will be published Spring 2016 The Baby Mama’s Guide: From Slave Girl to Glorious Queen ©
ON A Road TO Nowhere
There I sat in the driver’s seat of my beat up Chrysler LeBaron. I was parked in the parking lot of Santa Fe Community College at around nine o’clock p.m waiting for my boyfriend and his brother, Pig, to meet me. As I sat there I wondered, “How did I get myself in this situation?” I was supposed to be giving his brother a ride, not sitting in a get-away car waiting for them to put someone else’s child’s bike in my car trunk! When we got there, as my boyfriend was getting out of the car, he enlightened me as to his plan. I couldn’t believe it! I was so angry! But I didn’t have the guts to drive off and leave them and possibly lose the man I dearly loved. All I could think about was that a child is losing his bike right before Christmas. How sad that would be when that child woke up in the morning. I was praying and asking God to forgive me, when here comes Bozo the boyfriend, actually riding the little kid’s bike down the road. You know what? I later married this man. And this was my second husband, and third Baby Daddy. Just to show you how stupid I was!
Who am I? Am I a lady? Am I strong and beautiful and supportive? Or am I a whore that is seductive, selfish and a bitch? Am I defined but what you say I am or what I believe deep within my heart? Does it matter how long my hair is, how big my butt is or how I dress? These are the questions we ask ourselves one way or another as we grow into women. These are the questions we ask ourselves the rest of our lives. The world lies to us. The world deceives us. For centuries who and what we are as a woman has been defined with what lies sleepily between our legs.
From the minute the doctor proclaimed,” It’s a girl!” we were placed in the back of the bus, on the shelf, classified as second class, inferior and the weaker sex.
This thinking all over the world from the richest billionaire in a television studio in Chicago to the poorest girl in a village in South Africa has permeated our existence. It has shackled us with ignorance, packaged us off with fear and sold us to despair. The antidote lies within each of us. We have the power to change the world! How can we do that? The answer is simple: our heart. They can enslave our body and lock us into a prison of darkness and throw away the key. But they cannot and they will not chain our soul.
Feel the skin of your chest; do you feel your heart beating? Feel her rhythm, it is a song. She sings and dances with joy, a joy that can’t be beaten or raped or laid away. She is used to darkness. She is not a novice to pain and suffering; she still dances with joy! However, her song goes unsung. Her truth is silenced. She is mighty. She is wise. She is strong. And she is a GODDESS! Who dares to sing her song to the rest of the world? I do! Take this journey with me. I will help you find your song, and we will sing it for the first time together.
A question many of you reading this are silently asking, “Well, how does this help me get a man?” How does healing my heart help me find my twin flame, feed my kids and put a roof over our heads?
“I will tell you this; if the root is not strong then the tree will wither and die. But if the root is strong then the tree will flourish and birds will come and nest in her life giving arms. Your heart is your root.”
Your heart is the mouth of your soul, and in order to attract a life partner, abundance and more, to come and nest in you; your roots must be nourished.
When it comes down to it; women are meant to do GREAT things. I am living my dream. I am able to touch the world, uplift and motivate women and children and use my artistic talents to do so. If it could happen for me, it could happen for you! Many of us, whether male or female, gay or straight, black, red or white, have been denied the starting point we yearned for. However, I am here to encourage you. Do not give up! God has a plan! God put this burning desire for you to accomplish these things in you and no matter what adversity you face, the door will open for you to complete your mission! If you truly desire to do so! Keep pushing forward!
Look at Rihanna. She is a lovely girl. However, she has allowed the “machine” of celebrity to churn her up and spit her out. Her own beauty and sexuality has become a tawdry pawn to make men rich! She clumsily clung to the only anchor she knew, her broken and drug addicted ex-boyfriend Chris Brown. They had both sunk so low in alcoholism, drug addiction and dysfunction it was like watching Whitney and Bobby all over again. However, with the death of her beloved grandmother things began to fall into perspective. Even Rihanna had to journey through the Underworld. Do we despise her for her choices? No. We have all made them
It is a necessary part of the struggle of becoming the Queen, nay, the Goddess. One cannot truly wear the crown without a price. Until then we are all just broken little girls.
Timing plays an integral part in the grooming of a true Queen. She must learn to endure. Endure loneliness, a cold bed, and even colder affection from friends and family that may not understand her pathos of pain and transformation. So my question is, whether you are Christian, Buddhist, Muslim or Pagan: Can you wait?
OH MY GOODNESS! Wait on God to bring me a mate? We don’t have the patience for that, right? But I tell you it is in the waiting that Goddess brings you the most abundance, peace and joy that you could ever hope for, if you let Her. It is in the waiting that you begin to hear your own heart beating. It is in the waiting that your wings grow strong and your direction becomes clear. It is in the waiting that fruit becomes ripe with potential and ready for their SEASON! Your twin flame, Prince Charming, or even Queen will be just the icing on the cake, Boo!
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Ostara the Good ©