I am in absolute agony. My love has been spurned by my twin flame, my soul mate. I admit I did have it coming, and so I am the one that created this situation. I lacked patience. I am a psychic intuitive counselor, tarot reader and christian witch. I have always been clairvoyant and as I matured my gifts have grown with me. Thousands of people have come to me for spiritual readings, even before I used tarot, as all I needed to do was touch or look into the palm of some people and I would see past, present and future events in their lives.
But in love this gift has all been to my detriment. Before I meet my next lover or mate I get an impending feeling. Then when I first see them I automatically know. Many psychics claim they can foresee in the lives of many people but never for themselves. I disagree, because I know I do see, but it is that I choose not to believe it out of my own ego. I am certain it is the same for them. We need no divination tool or spell, if you are a gifted medium, such as I am, you will know even how the relationship will end. I have told my lovers how and when they will leave me, yet proceed to continue with them for years, until that moment when they do just as I predicted. Of course, I am always certain I can change this fate, and am a total wreck when it still occurs.
This time is different. I have met my true soul mate and twin flame, actually I met him seven years ago, but he refuses to play nice in the sandbox, like the rest of the good boys. He would not give in to me then, and years later though he brought me back more intimately in his life again, he still maintained a “just friends” relationship. Now here is where a normal woman and I part ways. Most women would say, wow I have a crush, he doesn’t want me, so okay I’m moving on. Or they play nice as friends and hope love will slowly develop. But a clairvoyant medium, as I am, already knows despite everything he says to the contrary we are going to get married and so I live in a time frame of “it already is” and he is far behind me. It is like I am Marty McFly and go Back To The Future, and see everything, then shoot back to the present and get mad because he hasn’t got to the part he falls in love with me. I spin my heels and run around in circles trying to figure out if he feels it yet….meanwhile my anxiety creates drama that pushes him away.
How does a psychic know these things? In addition to the signs from the Universe; I have been haunted by dreams of our relationship for years. Since he has come back into my life they grow in intensity. It is like his mind does not want me. I am certain he could list for you the plethora of reasons why he should not make me his wife. But his soul longs for me so much; I believe he astral travels when he sleeps to be with me. Some dreams I have had are future events like meeting his dad, who did not like me at first, then having him actually marry us in the back yard. Or of us walking down a beach, watching our son play as he wraps me in his arms and kisses me. Other dreams are astral sex, that are very vivid, with lots of personal detail. What is unique is that he is still slow in building the relationship astrally as he is in real life. The first dream began in 2009, we were in a house and I came to visit. We were friends, and I went into the kitchen. His daughters were playing in the back yard on a tree house type jungle gym and suddenly he closed me in against the sink and kissed me. Later that night (dreams skip forward), I ended up sleeping with him in his bed, no sex.
As my dreams occurred over the years they became more intense. The first kiss, then the first sexual union, then sex with him finally talking and confessing his deep and profound love for me, then to sex in his apartment (which by the way I had not seen before, but when I did finally come over there and spend the night, it looked exactly like the dream I had), then finally last night I dreamed we had sex here in my bed, at my house! What made that last encounter feel as if it really happened is he complained about something that only he would’ve known if he was actually physically present. And it was something that a man would actually say that is surprisingly observant and unexpected. It was so my twin’s personality to say that too! Many of these dreams spanned the past four years when we were not communicating. Every time I would forget him and move on from longing for him I would have a dream always dragging me back to that point.
Now he is not talking to me again. My gifts have grown extensively since I met him. I am much more attuned to spirit, the angelic kingdom and I often channel. So now I see for certain that the whole universe wants to see us joined together as husband and wife. As I write this I feel like a moron. I sound like some fatally obsessed woman from some psycho movie. But when you are gifted you see the baby boy that is supposed to be yours in the arms of your guardian angel waiting for you to join together. You connect with other psychics as part of your circle and so you ask them for a reading to make sure you are not crazy. With only his name they tell you about the child the two of you will have and how this marriage will be for the rest of your life and very happy indeed.
(This is where I REALLY vent, so excuse me) Meanwhile, my soul mate who I would like to just throttle, lovingly, is walling himself off from the intense emotional connection with me that he does not understand. And of course, I can see on a soul level he is intentionally creating this to gain the upper hand. See, I was literally created for my twin and he for me, so if I crave a dominant man then it is only logical that he is one. In all of my relationships, I controlled my men and made all of the decisions, which really made me miserable. And I never allowed a man to make me submit or own even a little part of my soul. My twin knows exactly what it takes to break down my walls and make me fall to my knees, which is actually what I have been longing for a man to finally do. But it hurts like hell!!! My twin can reach in with his sweetest love and turn me inside out. With a bible verse sent to me early in the morning he can bust down my walls and make me feel the love for him I did not want to.
And with his stony silence, he calls me on my own bluff. No I am not that strong. No I can not live without him. He makes me face the truth, I keep locked away deep inside myself. So now I have to wait….all this bone crunching, fingernail biting time until he decides if he is going to let me in his life. He knows he has free will. He can choose to not be with me and give his love to another. He can choose to keep me at a distance as only a friend. I want to let it all go and walk away from him. Trust me I have tried over and over again and am now bearing his punishment for it. Perhaps he has chosen to wall his soul from experiencing the greatest love he will ever know. Perhaps he will keep me from it as well. But my frustration grows and makes my heart heavy. Why would God put this so deeply ingrained in me if he isn’t supposed to be on my path? And why would every psychic confirm that he is my husband and always tell me we are going to have a son? I just don’t understand….being a psychic in twin flame love is for the birds!
Thanks for letting me vent,