How do I begin? I guess with the truth. I lost myself. I lost myself in the eyes of a beautiful man who to me was the be all and end all of perfect love. Yes, he became my God, whom I dutifully served, from afar. My own spirit guides did not help matters as they continuously manifested dreams of him literally every night, as well as his name and images that reminded me of him everywhere I went!
How can one run away from such a powerful twin flame connection? For he is my twin flame and God harnesses us together like the constellations are harnessed to the sun, the moon, the very sky! Finally I sought to detach myself because the evolution of I had stalled and began spiraling down into the depth of….gasp…normalcy! Miss Goodwitch, normal? How can this be? I proudly describe myself as the Queen of Weird! haha!
Today I went in search of the Goddess. I have many, many books at home that I read, but it wasn’t enough. Not to pull me away from my endless discussions of this beautiful, God of a man’s, maleness. lol I had to seek nature and go within. I yearned for a sabbatical. So I jumped in the car and allowed Goddess to guide me to her. I found the Anan Temple in Gainesville, Florida.
So alone I sojourned along the tiled floors and the fragrant green grass. My first acquaintance was Buddha himself. I sat and surrendered to the moment with him contemplating his life story. Thinking of his dedication sitting under the tree and just surrendering to the elements and to life to exist…just be. I have great difficulty with that. I am always trying to create or shape or transform something or someone in my life. This is a beautiful thing, as women are the creatrix of mankind, but creating is not about constant moving. Sometimes you have to just sit and be.
For the last three years, Goddess has been trying to teach me to just be still but like a true warrior Queen I quaffled. As I continued my journey, I came across the beautiful lotus canoe. She sat so regally, tethered to a tree and yet at the same time she was full of magnificent purpose. I contemplated this and realized it is sometimes part of life that something most beautiful and full of possibilities must be tethered to begin its journey.
As I looked to the left of me I saw far off in the distance a golden yellow bridge and a serenely peaceful gazebo. I felt drawn to not walk around, taking the shortcut to the gazebo, but to go the long way and tread gently upon the bridge. I was stopped midway by a single silver spiders web. I decided to be careful and I picked it up and tried to set it back in place but it was too fragile and was swept away in the wind. I learned in that moment sometimes things we wish to stay in place blow away from us. No matter how beautiful they are or how good our intention, even those things have a further destination.
I approached the gazebo screened door and opened it. As I opened the door I came face to face with a gloriously beautiful alabaster white statue of the Bodhisattva Goddess Kuan Yin!
A bodhisattva is a being who has attained Buddha hood, but decided to stay with the human race in order to bring enlightenment to every human being. Kuan Yin is a divine being, present in spirit on earth, here for us, she is a messenger of self-love and love for all of man kind. She is most compassionate because though she could’ve ascended she chose to stay and bring love and service to all of us on earth.
I was so overjoyed I cried out loud as the tears spilled over down my cheeks. The Goddess of love and compassion had called me forth! She had summoned me to her to assist my transformation and growth. I stood warily at the door frightened to go inside to her altar. I was raised a Christian and an idol always gives me the heebie jeebies even though I know it is not the idol that we become attuned to but the Spirit within. I summoned my courage and came forth. I saw the incense and lit it as I sat down on the rug at the foot of her altar.
The wind blew suddenly with fierceness and a wasp came to buzz at the screened windows. Wasps are symbols of the divine feminine and I knew Goddess Holy Spirit was here. I began singing a song to the Holy Spirit asking Her to indwell this holy sanctuary and connect me to Kuan Yin. I summoned my angels as well.
As I closed my eyes, finished pouring out my heart of course about that man of mine, and surrendered to the moment Kuan Yin appeared to me. She came to me and showed me much misery, bloodshed, mutilation and pain. I looked at her worriedly and said,” I do not understand?” She crushed a bird underneath her foot and I watched it’s bones break and blood ooze everywhere. I was aghast in horror! Then she very gently brought it back to life and said, “What do you see?” She then did this very thing to me! And as I lay crushed and in pain I began to be aware of my eternal existence. I saw that even in pain and mutilation I existed. And it was in the existence of myself that there is much beauty.
She said, ” All of life continues. No matter if it is crushed, ruined, disfigured or appears ugly. Life continues and it is the existence of life which is beautiful. You must learn to live in the now. Live in the midst of sorrow. Love even when it is not happy, or joyful. You will continue. This man is not the entire existence of love for you. And even if you attain completion with him life will still move forward and re-create and shift and change and grow. That is the beauty of every soul on this earth. They bravely choose to endure and it is in their endurance that they are so beautiful.”
Thus begins my first lesson in learning true compassion for myself. I have finally found the Goddess and her name is Love.
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